What’s Up With These Crazy Fundamentalist Muslims?

April 21, 2009 at 10:06 PM (Humor, Politics, Rants)

EDIT:  After I wrote and posted this entry, this article was available on CNN.com.  I hate being right.

Well, before I get started ranting and raving like a lunatic, I am going state my warning to you all.  This post will be littered, nay, filled to the brim, with my opinion.  This is the only warning I’m going to give the faint of heart before proceeding.  Also, I’d like to give a shout out to Amazing Ben (no relation) at BadassOfTheWeek.com.  I’ve linked parts of his site wherever possible because it’s the best way to bring in historical references, but in a fun and foul mouthed way.

I was reading an article on MSN.com today about the situation in Pakistan.  The summary is fairly short.  We chased a chunk of the Taliban out of Afghanistan, so they are working out of bordering parts of Pakistan now.  Not only are they taking shelter here, but they’ve essentially taken over what was once one of the bright spots for tourism in Pakistan, the Swat Valley.  Basically the Taliban rode up in there with their AK-47’s and just started killing folks.  Girls school?  Burn it to the ground and shoot the teachers.  Woman at the market by herself?  Flog her ass.  Foreign aid worker?  Shoot him in the head.

They’ve basically put in place a REALLY messed up version of Sharia law.  Sharia law, for those of you unfamiliar with it, is (pardon the quick and broad paraphrasing) Islamic law based on the teachings of the Koran and hadith literature.  Unfortunately these asshats forgot it’s the 21st century and want to live like it’s the Middle Ages and the next Crusade could start at any time.

So anyway, back to my original point.  The Pakistan government is incredibly weak right now.  It’s been beset with corruption, bad policies, you name it.  So here come the Taliban.  Could you imagine being at your HOA meeting discussing whether or not to get a vending machine for the pool area, and then a bunch of guys ride up with guns and start shooting people who don’t want to put a vending machine in?  That’s what these jackasses are doing right now.  The government is weak, the people are unhappy, and the Taliban just come right in and are ready to take advantage of it.

Wait!  It gets better!  Did I mention that Pakistan has a larger standing army than our country?  Did I also mention that they are nuclear capable?  How do you feel about the Taliban running a country with a large army and weapons that will make you glow in places you didn’t know you could glow?  The bad part is these crazy guys would be stupid enough to use them.  Hello WWIII.  The only thing we have going for us is that the Pakistan government doesn’t have a missile capable of either reaching our mainland or getting past our military defenses.  Go ahead, breath a sigh of relief.  Did I also mention that Pakistan is a direct neighbor to India and that they hate each other like Joan Rivers and the plastic surgeon that gave her a perma-surprised look?  India is also nuclear capable, in case you were wondering, and, as a side note, also have over a billion people.  India also happens to be one of our friends in the global market.  Where else are we going to get programmers who are smart like Nikola Tesla and work for $15k USD a year?  Our country’s IT infrastructure would be screwed if anything bad happened to India.  So now we have a possible WWIII and several reasons to get involved: we hate the Taliban, they’re threatening our Indian buddies, and they hate democracy like Baba Deep Singh hated Mughals.

Let’s examine some of the differences between us (generally assumed to be my friends here in the US) and the Taliban.  We like democracy.  By golly, it’s this democracy that gave me the civil right to spew the crap I’m typing right now.  The Taliban hate democracy.  It’s just some crap the Man brought over to keep the turban-wearing homies down.  Much better to have a world full of women who are uneducated (think about your best “dumb, barefoot, and pregnant” stereotype and throw a burqa on her).  We also, as somewhat previously mentioned, like our civil liberties.  We believe that women are equals on most levels.  The Taliban thinks women better get back in the house and bake them a pie.  We think girls deserve an education.  The Taliban thinks those little girls better be helping to make that pie.  Most of us like to dance at places where dancing is generally acceptable (amazingly, my cubicle is not one of those places, go figure).  If the Taliban sees you kick up a little jig, they will shoot you in the head, decapitate you, then drag your carcass around a dusty main street while shooting their rifles in the air and screaming like Xena: Warrior Princess.

So for the crazy ass Taliban-worshipers out there, here’s a list of women who in all likelihood would never have turned out the way they did if you had anything to do with it.  In case you were wondering, women make up about half of the world’s population; isn’t that a lot of brainpower to waste?  Props again to Amazing Ben (no relation) for providing the majority of the information below.

So there!

Now I know some of you are thinking to yourselves that I’m being insensitive and that I really don’t know what Islam is about.  You’re probably right.  I don’t know a lot about it.  But I like to believe that most of the people who worship Allah in the world are generally good folks and not war mongering assholes that think a woman’s bare ankle will destroy their worlds.  It always takes just a few idiots to ruin what, by all accounts, should be a nice, peaceful, respectable religion.

One of the odd things about religion, and this goes for all religions with certain specific “rules”, is that nothing accounts for time.  Things change.  It’s great that some Islamic historical paper says that you should get flogged 20 times for sneezing too loudly or some shit, but religion is meant to adapt.  Laws are meant to adapt.  The idea is to bring your religion to the times, not to lose your religion back in time.  I feel like these idiots are doing their religion more harm than anything else could possibly do and are too stupid to realize it.

Now at this point I had originally planned to continue mocking these idiots.  Unfortunately, I just don’t have the heart for it.  I feel like dealing with them is like dealing with a 4 year old at Toys ‘R Us; no matter what is said or done, they are going to get the toy they want or no one is going to be happy.  Unfortunately, we can’t smack the misbehaving kid upside his snotty, whiny head without someone calling Social Services.

I suppose that is enough for now.  I’m kind of worn and, to be honest, I’ve got more ranting on other things to do.  Digest that for a bit and be ready for more.

-Ben

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2 Comments

  1. brady said,

    this is a bad ass post…and makes me want to to curse alot…so i will just say “shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits.”

  2. TechMom said,

    Muslim Extremists are all effin’ cowards! Who else in the world keeps their faces covered and hides behind women and children so their sorry asses won’t get shot or blown up?

    My personal theory is that all Muslim men are bipolar or some other syndrome. Women are “covered” because the men can’t control themselves. If the Muslim sisters ever get their act together and grow some gonads, they’ll take care of those idiots for us!

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